Can't Be All Roses i Reckon

When La Madre is in charge, things seem rather terrific. Firing on all cylinders. nearing Optimal Performance.
i eat well
i sleep well
i love well
i exercise
i breath deeply
i breath enough fresh air
i drink enough water
i clean up along the way and no clutter collects
i appreciate
i make time
i accomplish
i shave my legs
i walk with a spring in my step and a smile on my face

She does not show up everyday. Even la Madre needs a day off now and then.
 i just wish i could step up to the plate when she's not around. sometimes i do. sometimes i get up there and just lay down a bunt...or i allow myself to get hit by a pitch just to get to first base with minimal effort. 
in all honestly though, sometimes i don't. sometimes i get a backwards K - on purpose it seems. i sabotage La Madre just for the sake of it. i watch perfect opportunities go by, and do nothing. i swing at others knowing that they are all wrong. and at the end of the day, i feel like it was just wasted. just want to go to bed after Critter does so the day can end and i can start fresh tomorrow.

today was kind of like that i guess. got a bit of work done in the morning (which was crucial, so no big accolades there). once Critter woke up from her morning nap though...i feel like i have been in some alternate universe.  when she is awake, i just kind of hang out and watch her do her thing. she isn't much for interactive play, so i try to accomplish tasks that don't require much thought so that i can keep vigilant and entertained at the same time. so the dishes are put away. and i checked my email and facebook frequently enough to feel like a loser. took field trip to town and field trip to Franko's for hang and Jep!  Had a lovely hot shower and a great and necessary yoga session in front of the woodstove. and that helped - for certain.

Sometimes it just isn't smooth...and it gets downright ugly.

but i made bad choices too. i felt nauseated all morning. so i ate toast with butter and honey and cinnamon (who am i kidding, i have that almost everyday). when i still did not feel well an hour or so later, i had a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese. not off to a great nutritional start. i did make up for it slightly at lunch with leftover kabobs that tasted great, but did not exactly agree with me. i did not get enough fresh air (it was cold and cloudy and windy - so i used Critter not enjoying that weather as my excuse to not do anything outside). I could easily have ridden my bike with her to watch Jeopardy!...but i chose not to. I could easily have had two pieces of pizza at dinner, but instead i swung for three. i had two cups of coffee this morning, one in town, and another at home. and instead of water at lunch, i had iced tea. i did drink water - but clearly not enough. my mouth is now dry and my lips are chapped.

i've been feeling gross and fat for the past week or so. i realize that i'm pregnant, but i know what it feels like to be fit and pregnant, and i am feeling gross and fat. and that is all it takes to start the downward spiral. La Madre combats it. She is strong and committed and follows through with what she knows to be best - even when (especially when) she does not feel like it or feels fat and gross. i definitely undermined her today. i behaved like an assistant you dread. the kind that when you take the day off work there are more problems to solve and fires to put out when you get back than you could ever dream of.

tomorrow is a new day. although already set up for a difficult day to triumph (travelling over to Jackson for Sprout's ultrasound plus other appointments. Franko coming with me as my Au Pair). No time for exercise really. Four hours in the car (at least).

 i will get it back together.

perhaps just acknowledging my part in the sabotage will help me to not swing at the balls and watch the strikes go by. i just need to connect.

Sayonara Hot Tub

Gulp

It has been settled. I lost the hot tub.

I'm mostly okay with it...but not 100%.

After careful consideration, it was decided that it is impractical to quit you job with no certain source of new income, and have a hot tub too. I only wish this conclusion was reached about two years ago.

The 'Ol Bon Fire Pit

Cause 2 years ago, i had a lovely little hillside fire pit.  Perfect little area dug out with benches all around and surrounded by rocks collected from all over. Spent many more than many a night out there fireside. with our friends, with each other, alone, with Blu-the-Imposter horse. Many a late night. Many a Select-A-Slab meat parties. It got a lot of use, and I simply loved it. i had great plans to expand it and make it even better.

Then the hot tub came. it seemed like the only place to put it that would have a modicum of privacy, was right where the fire pit was. So I started digging. Dug out the whole hillside by hand with a shovel and a pick. Did it in the first few weeks I knew I was pregnant with Critter. Then little by little, we began building the 3-walled deck for the hot tub to perch upon.

Ultra-Violet gettin' her dig on

And now the deck is turning into something completely different. Necessary, but different. And if we had planned it sooner, it could have been extraordinary, but now it will always be the structure truly intended to be a hot tub deck.

It is turning into a guest bedroom (in reality, it will be turning into a bedroom for Daddio and me when guests come, 'cause who will really sleep out there besides us) and a yoga studio. It is a small space - but I think it will work just fine. I've been practicing yoga in the sunshine back there for a few weeks now. We will ultimately add a front wall full of windows, insulate the walls, and add a roof (also full or windows). Problem will be the floor - no way to really insulate that. May add a little outlet to plug in an electric heater and a lamp too. The only things in there will be the futon and a lamp.

I have always wanted a yoga/painting space. I have had the plans crafted in my head for quite a while. This is not what I planned - but it will work for the yoga space - and it will be perfect once it is complete. I'll have to wait for the painting space (which is no big deal cause i was waiting anyway).

I reckon I'll be able to go out there to read and write too. I reckon if I do manage to get some clients in the next year, I can use that space for phone calls and Skype calls as well.

No more fire pit...sigh

When I whined about how DESPERATE i am for a tub, Daddio assured me that with the money we'd save by not running the hot tub, we could get an actual tub inside the house! His delivery of the proposal came at the right time. Uncle Jeffro had just sent some video of Daisy and Colt playing together in the tub and I had been thinking about Critter and Sprout would be robbed of that critical part of sibling development (not to mention Critter is already beginning to outgrow the kitchen sink).

So, adios hot tub.
Why hello sweet action yoga-chill-clutter free-La Madre space!

Oh, San Francisco...you are not what I cracked you up to be

Well it came and it went.
Now I sit back on my couch in Wyoming, most certainly bigger and rounder than I was 5 days ago when I left.
I was uber-psyched about the trip. Some solo, anonymous time in the big city. Walking about, exploring, seeing, watching, tasting, soaking up some sunshine...
But instead it was full of failures, dead-ends, frustrations, and wasted time.
It wasn't all bad. I'm glad I went. Some things were terrific...I could have just gone home a day or two earlier.

The rental car fella said "here are some of your options", and this little Fiat was within his arm sweep. i said "oooh, i'll try that little penny racer!". and it was fun. and i was able to park it in spots that seemed impossible. and the gas mileage was terrific. but it didn't make the traffic any better. it didn't make the one-way streets and better. it didn't make the construction go away. it didn't help me to understand where i was or where i was going...it didn't find the UPS store when i must have driven right by it even though i scouted it out several days before i needed to use it. i spent too much time with the wee little Fiat. wasted time. time i'll never get back....but it took me to some pretty cool places too!

Like here. On Sunday, I had no work commitments so i drove up to Point Reyes to go for a hike. Saturday was record breaking temperatures, and I was inside all day. I was not prepared for the weather on Sunday. I drove across the Golden Gate Bridge (although i couldn't even tell i was on it due to the thick fog) and over to Marin County. Started up Highway 1, ended up turning around cause the construction traffic was more than i wanted to bargain for on a free-day Sunday. Realized I was starving and went on a breakfast search. Ended up at a most fabulous little cafe in Mill Valley. Had crepes. Why don't i eat them more often? The sun was shining there, so i ate outside and read the paper - it was delightful. I must say all the crappiness of the trip was certainly interrupted my moments of pure pleasure!

Thought about bailing on the hike and just walking around at an Earth Day Festival in the sunshine. Talked myself out of it as I've always wanted to check out Point Reyes and I needed a brisk stroll in fresh air after a day of standing around inside a building, which was preceded by a day of sitting during multiple car hours and multiple flight hours.

As i drove out to the coast, the clouds and the fog swallowed me up again. I was sad to leave the sunshine, but thought it was kind of Northern-Californian of me to be driving through the infamous marine layer. I left the hotel in the morning wearing a pair of shorts, a t-shirt, and had a little lightweight wrap layer with me. When I arrived in the parking lot at the trailhead, EVERYONE was in puffy coats, long pants, and winter hats. It was windy and chilly..but come on, it wasn't THAT cold. I figured it would be good for me to have to walk swiftly...and I did. I scooted right along the path and passed bunches of people (who knew that there would be droves of people on a trail that i had to drive over an hour to get to!). I chose this particular hike because it was triple starred on a website that I looked at. Said the wildflowers in the springtime were simply outstanding...felt like i could use a bit of bloomage in my world. It claimed to be 3.5 miles one way. MALARKEY! The hike was rather lame-o. There were a couple of spur trails that climbed up to some sweet looking cliffs, but there all had signs posted on them that said NO ACCESS. I was a tad disappointed...I really wanted some good quality exercise. Oh, and due to jogging up the trail (at least it was uphill most of the way out to the point) and Sprout sitting cozily on my bladder, I had to pee so terribly!!! On a coastal hike in one of the most populated counties in America, there is no place to do that! I longed for Wyoming!!!  The wildflowers were quite charming, and had a special quality to them under the introspectively gloomy sky. I couldn't stay too long to view them because I had to book it back to the trail head where a restroom awaited me. Well, it may not have been what I was hoping for, but i did get to take a little uphill jog and see some flowers and lay eyes on the Pacific and feel west-coast saturated. There is something in that!

I ate incredibly well too! That was the highlight in fact. I'd have one big meal of the day, and then some little fresh-food snacks. One night was Indian, one night Thai, one night Italian. Greek for lunches and breakfasts. It was rather incredible! Oh - and I had Cold Stone ice cream too. and it was beautiful. i have purposely been avoiding ice creams and desserts during Sprout's incubation since i may have overdone it during Critter's. but when i indulge, it is simply fabulous!!!!

I did see and learn a lot about San Francisco and the areas around it. All the way up to Petaluma and over to Oakland. I was blown away with how many road bikers there were!!! It has reinforced my desire to take a bike tour through Napa Valley some fall or spring. The pastoral hills of Marin County were screaming for me to pedal my bicycle through them...and I will.

It wasn't all bad, it just wasn't my best flying-solo travel performance (which I kind of considered myself an expert in). Perhaps it could have climbed up a notch if I could have had a glass of wine or a bloody mary during my strolls around the city. Or if I could have gone for a legitimate run across the Golden Gate bridge, or up the hills of San Fran in the early morning (hernia pain is a MAJOR suck!). And I missed Critter and Daddio. That doesn't really happen to me. I am always quite content no matter where I am. But for part of this trip, I felt like I was just spinning my wheels waiting for my flight home.

And now I'm here. And all is quite well. Got to have a regular 'ol Wyoming dinner on the grill and dine with Critter and Daddio and pick up the sippy cup 90 times and pop peas into Crittter's mouth inbetween her gnocchi bites. Got to watch her scrambled about and show off her new spin move. Got to take a garden tour with Daddio and he showed me all the new trees that he and Crit dug up in the forest on Earth Day to transplant at our house. Got to see Daddio's potato box creation. Got to check out the asparagus that emerged in my absence (and eat a few of the for dinner). Got to give Crit a kitchen sink bath and put her in her PJs. Got to tuck her in and listen to her wail for a solid 5-10 minutes. Got to hear the Backcountry Basset howling at the sliver of a moon. Got to get up and let the Mountain Mutt in and out of the door at least times. And shortly, I get to climb up (that's right - I need the assistance of a tree stump to get up into my bed) and lie next to Daddio, with Sprout inside, and Critter across the hall, and relish in how it truly perfect it feels to be home.

What?!?!?!?

Critter and I had our game flowing. We were in the zone! Each day was better than the one before.

Got all my work done before wake-up and during morning nap. Coffee shop for first bottle, home for breakfast, crawl and cruise a bit - Naptime!

Field Trip to town. Lunch, or tea, park time, errands, back home for crawl-about.

Rode bikes over to Frank's for a hang and a Jep!

Nap #2. La Madre cranked out some fabulously intense yoga sessions EVERYDAY during Nap #2. (Sore legs for days!!!)

Early morning wake-up on Saturday for Bountiful Baskets, which led to incredible early morning hike up the hills.  Backyard yoga in the sunshine on the partially completed hot tub deck (part of me doesn't want the hot tub to go there now - it was PERFECT for wind-free sunshine yoga!).

Phone rang...."Hola Daddio!...What? Oh, Congratulations! Great Work! Yee Haw!...You still have a second tag though don't you?...Oh, not for that area - I see...Oh, it's raining - I see....so you are heading home then... tomorrow - I see.  No...that's great! Wonderful! We can't wait to have you back! Hurry home."

Bittersweet. Love that Daddio came home a whole 5 days early, but was also diggin Madre y Muneca time.

Had an Indian Food and Painting Evening planned for Sunday night - Rad Bitches Only invite. Fellas coming home early crashed it. It was still fantastic. Great food, great people (ended up being more boys at dinner than R.Bs).

So Lucky. To be happy together, to be happy alone...to be so supported each and every day.

Feeling rather joy-full and grate-full lately.

Ladies Flying Duo

 Madre y Muneca are at it again!

Daddio took off yesterday for his annual Turkey-Hunt-Vision-Quest and we have the run of the place for at least a week!

Working into our rhythm, but so far so great. 

Yesterday afternoon we got a swing, slide, and merry-go-round session in at the park. Then a hang and Jeopardy!. A brisk stroll on the 'ol Incubating Loop in the Badlands (with Critter Ergoed onto my back), then Critter napped while I got a good hour plus yoga home yoga session in! Cooked up a fabulous dinner and chilled.

Today brought us a semi-productive work day, helped Jorge purchase his flight to NC, made a juice, time at The Parlour with Cza Cza, Sara, and Brit, mailing off a package that I've been putting off since I got back in January, a hang and Jeopardy! Skipped the stroll today (windy and snowing - day off), Critter napped and another fabulous yoga session at home. Then off to dinner at Frank's with Jorge.

Spent the past hour looking into how to begin my new business and how to make a website. Turns out there is so much out there that I just have no concept. I don't know what I don't know. Lucky for me, I happen to know some incredible chics who have walked this road before me, I'm thrilled to walk in their footsteps!

In fact, Tara gave me some homework today and it is due rather quickly! I started looking into it and got overwhelmed. I think it is rather difficult to come up with a name for something until it is fully developed - Betty Laiken was a game day decision.  It prevented me from starting this blog for a while. When I finally would come up with something I could live with, it turned out to be already taken! It is a major roadblock for me, cause apparently it needs to come first.

New business is two-fold, ADHD Coaching (focus on adolescents and college students) and Outdoor Personal Training. I don't know if I'd ever be able to muster up a client in this town for the Outdoor Fitness side of things, but if i could, it would be off-the-hook! I have grand plans if it ever makes it off the ground.

Outside more than inside, active more than sedentary, with people more than with tasks.

Suddenly, but slowly and surely, my path is realigned with the destination I dream of.

Looking forward to the "alone" time with my little Muneca!

Easter Feaster

 I have grown to love Easter.

 I must admit to not enjoying it much in my childhood. Mostly because of the dress. I HATED having to wear an Easter dress. If the dresses were cool, it was one thing (like in 5th grade I got to pick one out and i didn't hate it that much), but mostly I had to wear what my mom told me to and it made my insides queasy all day. I despised the family photos taken inside the door at Nanny's house because I knew I'd be going down in the history books wearing a ridiculous costume that I wanted nothing to do with.

And I cannot stand pastel. I think it is the absolute worst of all color hues...I cannot think of one thing that i think looks nice in pastel. It was one secret fear I had when I first learned that I was pregnant. "Oh No! People are going to send us pastel!!!!"

I am a vibrant color loving, only-wear-a-dress-if-you-think-it-is-cool kinda girl. So it took me a long time to grow into Easter.

Yesterday we (Team Neidens) hosted our 3rd Annual Easter Feaster. It was off-the-hook fabulous.

I prepared my first ham. I don't think I've ever even touched a raw hunk of ham before. I sliced up a pineapple and stuck them on there and pushed cloves into the gross ham flesh (I don't particularly care for ham). Made a broccoli salad and a carrot cake. The entire time I was preparing food it was with a huge grin on my face. I LOVE that I have a life that involves celebrating holidays with family, friends, food, and fun. Living so far from both of our families requires both a commitment to that and friends who double as family. There were 22 of us yesterday (reminder that we have a tiny less-than-1,000-square-foot cabin).

Pierre

The Egg Decorating Competition was catapulted to a whole new level. The first prize winner had a diorama of the frontier with a herd of 10 buffalo being hunted by a painted indian riding a war horse...and there were peep jackrabbits standing watch.

Daddio's Turkey, with the Hargrave Hunter

Blue Ribbon Buffalo Herd

Angry Birds

Lady Gaga

Just a bunny

Delicious food of all sorts was set on the counter...ham, lasagna, wild-game meatloaf, braided bread, jalapeno poppers, wontons, hummus, salads, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes,  cheesecake, carrot cake, pecan pie, brownies, chocolate chip cookies....beers, wine, gin, bourbon...

Waiting while last year's champion hid all the eggs

The Hunt was the best ever. Over 50 eggs were placed throughout the property (and 15 mini bottles of liquor). The champion was crowned with a 9 egg booty...and 4 liquor bottles.

The Hunt

Before the festivities began, Daddio and I each got in our activities for the day. Daddio went for a hike with his buddy in the morning, and I got to go for a stroll with my buddy in the afternoon.

Running the Squiggles

As we stated in our wedding vows, the ingredients for a perfect day: fresh-air activity that is challenging, food that is delicious and nutritious, dogs at our side, visit with our friends and family. 

Simple stuff.

Perfect day.

Just enjoying the view

Dodging Asteroids

One thing I know for certain is that I am a lucky duck.

There is not a day that comes, that I don't reflect on my great fortune.  I endeavor to live each day as if I deserve that luck. When Critter laughs and smiles all day long, it is difficult to comprehend how she landed in my universe and I'm not sure I can ever truly act the part of "deserving". Perhaps it's the IRISH - i just know that I'm a fortunate fool...and grateful for it.

Little Lucky Charm

That doesn't mean that I don't get thrown roadblocks and obstacles. Cause I get my fair share and right now I feel like I'm battling several and they are coming at my like asteroids. 

I am finding it IMPOSSIBLE to get in a full day's work. I wouldn't consider it that big a deal if summer weren't peeking around the corner and I didn't feel so far behind that where I should be appears as a small dot on the horizon.  I know that I've acknowledged that I cannot keep this up forever...but I am surely committed to giving it my all for this last season.

I've been in work funks before...and I typically can implement a few strategies and pull myself out of it rather quickly. This is no funk...it is truly a matter of not enough hours in a day when Critter naps. At this particular juncture, every moment that she is awake requires due diligence.  Oh how I wish we lived closer to family right about now! My normal me would just decide to wake up a few hours earlier in the day and knock a couple of things out while enjoying the sunrise. My pregnant me cannot. I value every moment of sleep that I currently get and do not feel like I can afford (for my sake, for Sprout's, for Daddio's, and for Critter's) to lose a single tick-tock. ASTEROID NUMBER ONE

I cannot say that I've recently been on a fitness kick. My entire existence has been a fitness kick for the past 20 years. I can say that lately, as soon as I get my motor going, I blow a spark plug (or some other car analogy that I don't quite know how to use properly).

I started that push-up quest to blow Michelle Obama out of the water, and then suffered a shoulder injury that very weekend while snowboarding. I thought if I iced it and rested it, it'd be back to normal in no time. It has been close to a month, and I just lowered into chataranga dandasana for the first time last week - and it hurt, so I'm back to just planking. Thwarted. It was my mission for March and I failed. ASTEROID NUMBER TWO.

I was lucky to have a rather fit and active first pregnancy - but it was definitely at a MODERATE level. I read all the books and I thought that is what you had to do. I walked everyday - uphills when I could, and i had a daily yoga practice...but I hardly broke a sweat after the 5th month. I learned that does not work for me. In order to perform at my optimal level, I require DAILY VIGOROUS ACTIVITY. I know that to be a personal truth. I was determined to abide by that this pregnancy - and I have done a commendable job...but it has been at a price...that I may no longer be able to ignore.

This winter, cross country skiing and snowshoeing up mountains was simply fabulous! Loved every frigid moment of it. Plus Critter often came along which made it even incredibler! Started running again earlier this month in Florida. LOVED IT! Been taking long bike rides every weekend and a couple of town trip during the week...makes me so happy to be on a bike. Been walking with Critter in the Ergo whenever we go anywhere...love that too. But it always seems to hurt a bit, and it continues to worsen.  Today is intense enough to make me admit it aloud.

The wonderful places my bike and I have gone in March

Leaving the badlands behind

Looking into Jakey's Fork Canyon

Storm a 'comin!

I don't remember ever seeing a photograph of a roadrunner (aside from the cartoon version). Several years ago, I was driving through New Mexico and this crazy looking bird went scuttering across the road in front of me. I instantly knew it was a roadrunner although I had no prior experience or schema to draw from. I have never had a hernia, but I'm quite certain that it would feel an awful lot like this if I had. No way of knowing for sure...but I'm rather skeptical. I have been calling it something else or wishing it away since July, but it does not seem to obey the commands of my will. ASTEROID NUMBER THREE

I wholeheartedly believe in listening to your body. The problem I'm having is that my body is screaming VIGOROUS ACTIVITY, and this one little point-specific spot has been whispering whoooaaa. The screaming has not subsided a bit, but the whisper is growing louder and louder. I will continue to listen closely, and not let one crush the other.




As it always seems to boil down to - FINDING THE BALANCE.